Saturday, 6 July 2013

Its Not About Me


                                                                                                                                 Friday, July 5, 2013

            I will have been in Nsoko, Swaziland for 2 full months as of Tuesday, which also happens to mark only 2 weeks before I head back home.   I don’t think a few months in another country gives me claim to say I have served in long-term ministry, but it has definitely given me a much better perspective of the scope of missions here and the day in and day out of permanent ministry.  I am currently at a retreat center in South Africa nearly 3 hours outside of Swaziland.  I arrived here with the interns earlier today for a weekend retreat to take some time away for rest, recharging, and debriefing of everything we have been experiencing over the last month.  I got to drive a tiny car all the way down here and we have been calling it the crazy go-cart as it literally feels like we are driving right on the ground; combine that with fast speed limits, and a speedometer that reads in kph instead of mph and it really feels like your “flying” down the road.  Needless to say driving today was exciting.  J  It was strange to drive through the modern city of Nelspruit and to be here at a German-run retreat home with gardens, a pool, delicious food, and hot showers. It also feels so good to get away and slow down from the tiring and ever-changing pace and “rhythm” of ministry in Swaziland. 
            I had a lot of fun this past week; dancing and singing in SiSwati along with my bhutis and sisis (brothers and sisters) in a 4-hour church service, finally getting to play Netball again with many of the locals, and being told that I have mastered their own card game they call “Casino” after I won 3 rounds in a row yesterday.  It has been a good couple of weeks in life and ministry here, but it was also quite chaotic and stressful at times.  The rest of the interns reunited with us 2 weeks ago and we are all spending the rest of our time in Nsoko helping to host a few more teams this summer.  We had a team of nursing students arrive towards the end of June and stay for a week.  Most of them had been here before and had come in with a solid plan and agenda for running an eye clinic at each of the care points and donating lots of glasses and clothing.  They were kind of an independent group and went on a lot of their home visits and we didn’t actually interact with them a whole ton.  A lot more of the ministry we conducted as a team of interns was done more behind the scenes.  We taught our own lessons at the care points, gathered and organized construction material for a team of Swazis who are building a church, and became a lot more involved in our projects either in administration, the health clinic, or the community garden.  Specifically, I have stepped up a lot more in my role as a driver and also caring for the garden.  It has been exciting to see how the new bean garden has been growing and how much the main community gardens have been producing. 
            This last week it felt like all I was doing to an extent was driving, driving, driving.  I have been driving the construction workers out to their church site at 5:30 in the morning on some days, and been driving the other ministry partners and interns out to a couple care points each day for discipleship lessons and profiling, as well as driving some of the locals to a clinic nearby.  We also have had a lot of car issues recently; I have had to change two flat tires within 3 days and also have had to drive out to different areas in the community a few times to rescue the other van after its battery has died.  I enjoy driving here but it is also tiring, especially as our schedule keeps getting disrupted.  We had been living in a separate intern house about 10 km away, but on Monday we moved back into the Anchor Center team house.  I am actually pretty excited about moving back as it feels much more like home to me and is much more a central hub for the community here.  From our intern group, though, it has been stressful to feel like we are constantly moving around and have had a difficult time forming our own community and rhythm.  It has been good to be back together and I think that living at the Anchor Center and this retreat will hopefully provide quality space to bond as a group.   I know it is good for all of us to get away as we were all feeling worn and frustrated at times.  One of the ways satan often attacks us is by attacking unity and grace within a team and through weary and grumbling attitudes.  I know I really had a difficult time with motivation and small frustrations this past week and noticed that in many of my teammates as well.  I have been praying for a willing heart to serve and notice others in the small ways and to not allow frustrations to build.  I am reminded again and again that I need to be seeking the Lord first in everything and putting other’s interests before my own.  It’s not about me.  My time in Swaziland is not about me.  My pursuit of Jesus is not about me.  The way I live my life and the center of my world and thought should not be about me.  It’s a daily battle to choose to acknowledge that and rely on the Lord and one that I must constantly face.  So it is good to get away; to rest, to rejoice, to have fun, but also to reflect and pray and continue to offer praise for the blessings and talents the Lord has given me.  At the end of each day I want to abide in what I have been given and strive to be diligent so that I may say “Lord, you trusted me with 5 talents; see I have gained 5 talents more.”

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